Creepier in the 70s: Follyfoot

If there's one thing the 70s did to me, it's the way the British TV Shows Follyfoot and Black Beauty have warped my mind against upper-middle-class girls who love horses. Take this episode of Follyfoot, for example. The opening titles are meant to be whimsical and perhaps a little haunting, but to me, they're creepy. The horse in the title graphic looks like something Dali would have painted. I'm surprised there isn't a melting clock there and a tree covered in ants. And the opening shot? Honestly, what the hell's going there? It's like that version of Animal Farm we weren't supposed to see. And there's Dora and and the old codger, Slugger, cheerily looking on. [Edit: That video has been removed, so I've switched it out for just the opening titles. Never thought I'd see something too weird for YouTube]

Growing up in a city, where the only live horses we ever saw had coppers on them carrying sticks, Follyfoot was about as far removed from real life as you could get. Probably to my detriment, rather than consider the rural life of hanging round the stables with a cute teen who likes horses as a kind of escapist fantasy world, I saw it as a nightmare vision of dull, drawn-out pain, somewhat akin to having a tooth pulled out by a wire tied to an exceptionally strong, yet still excruciatingly slow, snail. Also, I was the son of a working-class Scottish family, who, previous to moving to London, had been living in trailer parks for the most of the 60s, whereas Dora was the daughter of a diplomat, who complained about not getting a pony for her 10th birthday and getting really expensive dresses instead.

Worth watching this until the end, though, just to discover that it was directed by a guy called Stephen Frears, who is probably best known now for directing The Queen.

Cooler in the 70s: Station Wagons

Back in the days before people travelled around in off-road vehicles that are too low to go off-roading in, and military vehicles that the military wouldn't touch with a no-bid contract, American moms reached their right hands back to smack their kids in the back seat of station wagons. Station wagons lack many of the features of the SUV and MiniVan we have come to know and love today - the in-car entertainment system was not a multi-disc DVD Player, but an AM radio, with a built-in 8-track player if you're lucky, and the GPS system consisted of a dad who refused to stop to ask for directions. Dual zone air conditioning was provided by allowing the back windows to roll down as well as the front, and unlike an SUV, you could actually see past it if you were backing out of a parking spot next to one.

Unlike an SUV and even some MiniVans, a station wagon was never, ever, cool. But they were incredibly useful hiding up to 8 children if they lay flat in the back. In the UK, we had similar cars that about 2/3 the size and were called Ford Granada Estates.

On of the characteristic features of a station wagon, that for a while held over into the realm of the minivan is wood paneling. Why designers felt that a stretched out version of a sedan needed a fake wooden patch over the side and back, I'll never know, but there it is above on the Chevy Caprice.

And again, below on the Chrysler Town and Country.

The Town and Country, of course, is now a minivan.

Oh, look! A 1978 Dodge Monaco!

The way this one's parked, it looks like they were designed to blend into the suburban environment.

Someone had the audacity to name this one the Plymouth Gran Fury:

And, just for the record, here's the heretoforementioned Ford Granada Estate, from my own personal childhood. I didn't have one, mind, I was running around in a Triumph Dolomite, but back in 70s swinging London, you couldn't spit without hitting one of these.

Uncool in the 70s: German Eurovision Songs

Because, hey! If the Netherlands can win with a song called Ding Dang Dong, then surely next year Germany can win with their song, Sing Sang Song, right?

Um... No. They came 15th. Out of 18. Poor show, Germany. Poor. Show.

Thin White Duke Learns Karate

There's something really cute about this clip. Check Bowie's reaction to the karate guy when he fakes punching David in the testicles. Poor Bowie just loses it.

And then there's the

Wait a minute. That's David Bowie! And they're teaching him karate moves! It just doesn't get cooler than that!

Cooler in the 70s: Dutch Eurovision Songs

Honestly. This could be the greatest Eurovision song of all time. It's bouncy, catchy, is sung in funny foreign accents, and contains such lyrical gems as "Even though your lover is gone, gone, gone; Sing ding dang dong."

Two and a half minutes of carefully crafted meaningless fluff. Of courser, it won the competition. Awesome, awesome, awesome; ding dang dong.

Cooler in the 70s: Minor League Hockey

Slapshot is one of the unsung heroes of sport movies. Violent, witty, politically aware, and poignant. It barely has a soundtrack, its protagonists are almost devoid of morality, and in the beginning the movie looks like it's devoid of plot and going nowhere. Yet still, in the end, you know you love the Charlestown Chiefs, and feel like a lifelong fan. Maybe it's Paul Newman's leather suits or the Hansen brothers' toys that does it. Either way, I can't believe my mum allowed me to watch this when I was 11.

Cooler in the 70s: Loony Motorcycle Stunt Riders

In these days of extreme sports, you'd be hard-pressed to find some kid who hasn't ridden something over 16 buses, but back in the day, man... Evel Knievel would do it and everyone would skip school to watch.

Sure, we were watching to see if he crashed, and if he never did, it would be boring. These days we expect our stuntmen to be perfect. 70s stuntmen routinely clipped the last bus or dropped thousands of feet down the Grand Canyon, and we would love them all the more for it. Seriously, this from the tribute article in the New York Times: When he was 27, he became co-owner of a motorcycle shop in Moses Lake, Wash. To attract customers, he announced he would jump his motorcycle 40 feet over parked cars and a box of rattlesnakes and continue on past a mountain lion tethered at the other end. Before 1,000 people, he did the stunt as promised but failed to fly far enough; his bike came down on the rattlesnakes. The audience was in awe.

“Right then,” he said, “I knew I could draw a big crowd by jumping over weird stuff.”

See? His first stunt was techniocally a failure, but we continued not just to watch in awe of him, but also his son, and the amazing regular failures to clear unusual objects performed by the line of Evel Knievel toys, such as the cycle, chopper, skycycle and touring van. Those things were being held together with staples, super-glue and sheer force of will by the end of the first week of ownership, as they were made of 100% pure fail - and yet we loved them. To add insult to injury, if you were to place a Stretch Armstrong or a Steve Austin action figure on the chopper, you'd barely make it off the ramp, yet Imperial Stormtroopers would fly about 40 feet. Say what you want about the Empire, man, they knew how to jump a bike over row of 5 six-year-olds, yessir.

Who Am I?

Apparently, I'm Lou Fricking Reed.

Outtasight!

Which rad old school 70's glam icon are you? (with pics)

You're Lou Reed.God, you are cool, can I touch you so the magic will rub off?You are perceptive, witty, and badass. You wear cool shades, even at night, and probably wear black more than most people. You don't give a fuck what other people think, but you are also very sensitive in the way that you pick up on things that others don't. Sometimes you come off as an asshole, but that's what makes you cool. You are a poet, and you embody New York City. You will still be hip when you are old, and artists love you.
Take this quiz!








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On this day in... 1978

The multi-talented rap artist, actor and back-up dancer Kevin Federline was born. Bringing joy and light to a dark year, the birth of Federline was an undoubted harbinger, signaling the death of all that was uncool in the 70s.


Yes. I'm lying.

Cooler in the 70s: The Early 60s

Yep, here's something else that was cooler in the 70s. The Early 60s. George Lucas' American Graffiti started it, and movies like The Wanderers carried the torch. Teens cruised for chicks, listened to hand-picked perfect soundtracks, and slicked their hair into DA's with flick-combs while waiting patiently for the hippies to show up. It really wasn't about being oppressed or treated like objects, or hoping war doesn't kick off in Vietnam like movies of the 80s or 90s would us believe. It really was a time of wonder and innocent groping in the back seat of your dad's 'Vette.

Southwest Airlines commercial circa 1972

Remember what it was like when airlines advertised to rich people with what amounted to "Fly us, get laid"?

Good Lord, woman, I can see your va-jay-jay from here, and I'm 36 years away! Put some trousers on, girl! Oh, but don't shake forget to "shake my martini" first, there's a good lass. I'll make sure to put in a good word for you with our typing pool manager.

The Osmonds (1972) - OPENING

Because I lied. Not everything was cooler in the 70s. I'll post a top ten "things that weren't cooler about the 70s" later.

Saw this on a blog post for 1970's New York pictures which is fascinating stuff, and I'll link it up on the right soon. This is a NYC subway train circa 1971, which really goes to show that, even though we now may think they're dirty and hard to sit in comfortably, we forget (or in my case never saw except in movies) just how bad they were. The posters on the end of the car are fairly new, you may notice, and have been plastered up there over the graffiti overlapping itself on the wall. Everything else kinda looks like the monkey cage in a zoo. I think you can still buy those metal straps above the seats from the NYC Transit Museum, though I'd have to soak them in bleach for about a year before I'd want to touch one.

As for the blog this came from (1970's New York), be advised that for those of a more sensitive nature, it contains many pictures of the World Trade Center during and after construction. There's also a photo of Jersey City from the Manhattan side which, as anyone who's lived here longer than I have will remember, contains no skyline.

Barack Obama - 1979

Here's a fun, late disco-era yearbook picture of Illinois Senator and 2008 presidential candidate Barack Obama, taken in 1979. Nice wing collar, nice white suit, nice tight fro.

See? Even future politicians were cooler in 70s.

Focus- Hocus Pocus (live '73)

Hard to believe these guys are still going considering the amount of energy they put into their performances as far back as 1973. But here they are in their glory. Focus, with the effortless mixture of camp, hard rock and yodeling, with Hocus Pocus.

It's That Shirt

As a fan of the funky jazz techno group, I was chuffed to find this, the That Shirt commercial from 1971, along with others from that time, as sampled in the Brainwashed This Way/Zombie/That Shirt track from Meat Beat Manifesto. All a little before my time, but they're a good indicator of what my experience of growing up in the 70s was like. Richard Burton growling about shirts, DJ Jimmy Saville telling us to Clunk-Click every trip, and sexy secretaries in round-the-clock tights. And who could resist wearing a tie that comes in both terylene and crimplene?

Ah yes, the brown 70s of my youth. Just wanted to remind you all why I'm more fond of the California truckin' 70s than the real one I actually lived through. Shudder!

70's Toy Commercials

I have a vague memory of Bing Bang Boing, or something similar from the mid-70s. But seriously, how many of those ball bearings are you going to lose under your leather couch before you give up trying to learn the laws of physics the had way?

That waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa sound takes me back some, though. SSP Racers, the closest us 6 year olds would ever get to drag racing, and suddenly the most useless toy when you lose that T-stick.

Can't say much about the slip-n-slide that hasn't been said before. I didn't have one, didn't know anyone who had one, and it would been useless anyway as we all had concrete back yards where I grew up. Looks like fun, though. Anyone who damn near killed themselves on one of things? Feel free to add your comment.

On This Day in... 1975

Greek shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis, the husband of former first lady Jacqueline Kennedy, dies, aged 69.

Super Hero Shows

Okay, so we know that cop shows were cooler, with the exception of Hawaii Five-0, which had a great theme tune, but was essentially pants. But something else we had in the 70s was live-action superhero shows. Shows like Wonder Woman, The Six Million Dollar Man, The Incredible Hulk and the short-lived SpiderMan series.

Wonder Woman
I may have been a little young to fully appreciate Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman, but I remember being extremely confused by the show. Back then, British television (and US television, to be honest) didn't care much about running episodes in order. The problem was that it was really made up of two shows. The first was set during WW2, and Wonder Woman is fighting Nazis. The second is set in the 70s with Wonder Woman fighting terrorists and sinister rock stars and such. She had an invisible plane, which was technically useless, as it didn't make her invisible. So anyone looking up would see this woman in a spangly costume floating at high speed in a sitting position through the sky. Very silly. Very 70s. It does have the best theme tune of them all, though.



The Six Million Dollar Man
Also known as the Bionic Man. Steve Austin was my favorite, and I spent most of my childhood wishing I could get the action figure, with the bionic eye that you could look through and the arm that would open up to reveal his mechanical arm. It was possible to get the action figure for his boss, Oscar Goldman. But who the fuck would want that? IIRC, in the pilot, Steve Austin, once he gains his new powers, would run really fast, meaning they sped up the film of him running. I guess they realized that eventually he would have to run past something moving or people would catch on, because later in the series they switched to his more signature slow-mo running and jumping ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac moves. You just had to imagine that he was really going fast or jumping that high, or bending those bars. When you got the ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac-ac sound effect for his vision, though, it seemed a little silly. Totally jumped the shark when Bigfoot arrived, but I loved it when I was 6. We won't talk about the Bionic Woman, though - they gave her a Bionic Dog, and that was just stupid.



The Incredible Hulk
Sadder and more introspective than any of the other shows, Hulk wandered the wilderlands of central California doing odd jobs and trying not to get angry.




SpiderMan
This show is the strangest. Most people don't remember that there was a live action Spiderman before the Tobey Maguire version, they just remember the cartoon. In the UK, I even got to see the pilot at the theater, played as a movie. I went with a whole bunch of kids for someone's 6th birthday, and it was on a double-bill, believe it or not, with Breaking Away, which we'll get to later. It was your standard this-looks-stupid-now superhero fare, but it really did look like Spiderman was crawling up those skyscrapers. And that's because he was. Back in 2005, on a trip to California, I took a tandem hang-gliding jump. The crazy old guy who drove us up the mountain I was about to jump off was the guy you see in the Spidey suit climbing up the Empire State Building. Seriously, he did that. Fun Spidey Facts: Kim "Facts of Life" Fields' mom was in it.

TV Supercops

Everybody know the 70s was the decade when cops didn't play by the rules. They gunned Buick Regals and Ford Gran Torinos down back alleys, treated their captains like short-sighted fools, and banged all the chicks they met. Usually all within act 2.

More than that, though, they had theme songs (opening themes, remember them?). And not just theme songs, damn funky theme songs.

My sister was a huge fan of American cop shows when I was a kid. She loved the sly wit of Telly Savalas as Kojak, gushed a little over Michael Douglas in The Streets of San Francisco, and positively fawned over David Soul in Starsky and Hutch. Sure, she may have bought the Telly Savalas "Who Loves Ya Baby" single, but David Soul convinced her to buy a whole album's worth of his sweet vocals. So I have fond memories of Saturday nights in a maisonette in Primrose Hill, lights off, Mum and Dad out down the pub, and me and my sister in the living room with milk and McVities watching to see what could possibly challenge Starsky and Hutch's not-homoerotic-at-all, purely platonic friendship.

Kojak


The Streets of San Francisco


Starsky and Hutch

On This Day in 1979

The U.S. Voyager I spaceprobe photos reveal Jupiter's rings.

Thunderbolt and Lightfoot

Watched a 1974 movie called "Thunderbolt and Lightfoot" yesterday, and it inspired me to start this new blog. Thunderbolt and Lightfoot stars Clint Eastwood and a young Jeff Bridges as an ex-bank robber and an over-enthusiastic drifter who wants to help Eastwood do one last job.

I remember this movie as a funny, sexy tale of two guys getting together to rob a bank. Instead it was true 70's movie: An amoral, misogynistic tale, which seethes with hatred for the law and authority, and unabashedly celebrates violent solutions fatalistic . Despite it being nothing like the movie I remembered, I still thought it was brilliant. No surprise that the writer/director Michael Cimino would go on after that to make The Deer Hunter.

Sometimes I think to myself that we simply don't make movies like this anymore, but we do. Only now, it would barely make waves at Sundance these days.

Anyhoo, worth checking out for very early appearances from Gary Busey and Catherine "Daisy Duke" Bach, and the weird people they meet on their travels: an exhibitionist housewife, a biker chick with a hammer and an attitude, a guy with raccoon in his passenger seat and a trunk-full of white rabbits... It takes more odd turns than a CGI car commercial.

Yes, sir. Highly recommended for anyone looking to enter the strange wilderness of American 70's cinema. If only the DVD had a commentary track. I'd love to know what was going through Cimino's mind when he wrote the bunnies in the trunk scene.

Keep on Truckin.